Then a long nightmare came to our family, unpredictably, too soon, too bitter.. T_T

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On 27th February my dad felt like gastritis attack and we brought him to the doctor, but when the pills are run out after 1week, he sick again. My husband and I decided to brought him to IGD at RS Harum. He had some blood tests and the test result is not good. 

On 22th March, he was diagnosis got chronic kidney disease. Unfortunately I didnt join to meet doctor at that time, so I couldn’t ask about the stage of his kidney disease. It made him very down and his condition  weaker day by day until 1st April his breath is not normal again.

On 1st April, we brought him to IGD RS Haji, he hospitalized until 5th April. There were some strange things, like my father’s brain condition is not normal again, he often forget about the place, the time and his memory was mixed together. I know that because I always beside him when he got prostate operation. His condition was really different and I really sad because 1 week before he hospitalized, he seems normal for me. He could answer what I asked to him, but when he hospitalized and days after that his condition getting worse T_T

On 13th April he hospitalized for 2nd times, yap 1 week after he checked out. It broke my heart when my dad should use some tools to help his breath, and some medicine infuse to cure his disease. He lost his conscious with half opened eyes. He was in condition sleep in a few seconds, then woke up and struggle to get free of his hands, so the nurse decided to tie his hands T_T

His body was poisoned by ureum in his blood. His brain was also affected, it called “Delirium”. The existence Ureum/Urea in his body was too high because his kidney was getting worst, from 3rd grade to 5th grade, which means he should do dialysis therapy. But wih his condition it was not possible, need ICU room that capable for dialysis, he should be transfered to other hospital. 

After 2 days there wasn’t any good progress to him, like the medicine was not effected, so we initiate to asked nurse and doctor regarding my dad condition. We tried to search others hospitals that capable to handle my dad case because they told us to “help them searching other hospital”. 

After some drama..we got the approval from doctor, so we finally have historical medic documents for hospital transfer. It was such a relief moment to us, that night my husband and I could sleep soundly. I also dreamt of him, he was not sick anymore..he smile at me, sat on his wheelschair and answer my question like his normal condition. I prayed to God when Subuh Prayer, “make it easy if my dad could be cure, or make it easy if the time was come”. We believe that Allah will give the best answer to us  :’)

Few minutes later, my dad passed away at 05.25 am. When I got a called, I was not sure, because his latest condition seems lost his breath (sleep in a few seconds) and his breath back again when he tried to untie the rope. But after make sure, it was true and already checked by doctor and nurse.

I couldn’t imagine before, I lost my dad, too soon for me, for our family. I wish I would be at this moment when I was 40’s. When my parents already seen my children :’(

Sometimes I wondering, a lot of “what if..”. Cause in short time I couldn’t handle my anger, my temper, and not tried to be more patience. Why I couldnt make him happy and just give his favourite meals and drinks.. Why I didn’t take some photos with him, in his good and bad condition. T_T

This post I dedicated to my beloved Dad (Rahimahullah) who passed away on 16th April 2021.

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Since I was young, I always envy to the girls or boys who has a good relationship to their Dad. I just felt like there is a gap between me and my brothers to our dad. I couldn’t see him a lot in my memory or moments when I was young, teenager and before married. I only know, my dad and mom always go to the school (they are teacher btw) together early morning before I wake up and around 2007 or 2008 they started to go to school after Subuh prayer when in SHS’s Jakarta study time start at 6.30 am.

My Dad always ask me and my brothers about our school, time for mid test or final test, or sometimes talked about what happen in his school when we gather together at terrace house and always become a listener because the rest of us are talkative person. 

When report card distribution time, my parents also doing the same, fortunately my dad can reschedule to next day or before our schedule. He also a person in charge to do extrovert matter, such as : looking for school for my tests (Simak UI, UMB, SNMPTN) where be placed and accompany me when the test was be held. I also remember every time I comes out from class after test, he always said

“Hey, do you want to drink Teh Botol Sosro before we go back to house?”

He asked that because he likes sweet drinks, especially tea (hahaha lol) and he was waiting me at canteen or small store around the school. He also accompany me to interview session around Cempaka Mas, the place that I didn’t familiar because too far from our house. Sadly that was not a job I wanted and I failed whereas my dad already spent much money to use taxi and he also asked me to lunch before we go back.

After I got a stable job, I was busy to save money for my marriage but I tried to buy something for my dad or mom even there were not expensive. I bought polo shirt, shirt and perfume for my dad and he really like that shirt until the end of his life :’)

After I got married on 2016, I moved from my parent’s house to my rent house and bought credit house. Nothing has changed a lot because we busy with our jobs. My parents still working as a teacher, me and my brothers also busy with our works. We used to gather together on weekend or gone to somewhere.

Till the day on 13th May 2018, my mother was retired as a civil teacher (in 60 years old) and we told to our dad to retired also, since he is almost 64 years old at that time and he approved. Then, I realized my dad become more extrovert to us, to me. Maybe because my husband and I frequently come to my parents house, or maybe he felt like losing his children and hasn’t got any activities like years before.

Last year, on 2020 when covid19 was come to Indonesia, we are not gather together for almost 6 month, only via social media and only met at Eid 1441 H, the last photo session with full family’s member :’(

On December 2020, there are 2 times, short vacation with my mom and dad. Yap this is very rare moment when my dad is going together with us to stay at hotel. He was so happy when we visited Cibodas and stayed overnight at Hotel in Puncak. Maybe he remember some unforgettable moments when he was young at Cibodas and Puncak. I still remember your smile pah, at that moment :’) you even asked hotel’s brochure to receptionist when we were going back.

I am truly happy with our last vacation. No one knows it will be a cherish moment to us in months later..you always remember how a happy you are until your last breath dad T_T